Today is the big day. Today is the day I prove to the world that I know something about foreign policy. I’ve been practicing my big Iraq speech for weeks and it will be the single greatest speech I have ever given, if not the most memorable speech of American politics. The only problem is … Read More »
Vote again. I’ll pay for it.
March 16, 2008
The first thing I’m going to do when I get sworn in as President is to have the FBI bring me Howard Dean’s head on a platter. Without the rest of his body. I swear, Howard is cross dressing, closet Republican. No single person has screwed up the Democratic Party more since Michael Dukakis. Michael … Read More »
“Go get ‘em, Geraldine!”
March 12, 2008
Publicly, I cannot condone what Geraldine Ferraro said, but everyone knows she’s right. Barack Obama would not be where he is today if he was a fat, balding caucasian politician from Chicago. It was Bill’s idea to play one last race card and getting Ferraro to yank on Obama’s chain was a masterful ploy. The … Read More »
I don’t want to say, “I told you so…”
March 4, 2008
I can’t help myself. My victory speech would have been longer but I had the hiccups. I don’t hiccup when I talk but that only lasts about 10 minutes, then I can’t control it any longer. This was a political victory for the ages. Who cares that I blew a huge lead in two of … Read More »
D-Day, or toast and roast in Texas
March 3, 2008
This is it. Roast or toast. Invade or be conquered. Texas and Ohio. And a couple of other states someplace. Virginia and New Jersey, I think. No, no. It’s Vermont. And Rhode Island. Who goes to Vermont this time of year? And why is it called Rhode Island when there’s no island? Anyway, D-Day is … Read More »
One speech does not a President make
March 1, 2008
Alright, so Barack Obama has been against the war in Iraq since 2002. One speech at an anti-war rally does not a President make, and he’s made a whole presidential campaign out of it. Where’s the beef? Today Texas. Tomorrow Ohio. When will these voters ever wake up? At least Dennis Kucinich was pathetic. Attracting … Read More »
Hillary’s House of Cards
February 26, 2008
Barack Obama must be channeling Ronald Reagan. I’ve thrown everything at him for months and nothing sticks to the man. Nothing. I played the Tough Hillary Card right before Iowa’s caucuses when our internal polls showed Obama taking a slight lead among voters. We thought it was a fluke, but just to be sure, Mark … Read More »
Sticks and stones
February 21, 2008
I’m so sick of presidential debates that I could spit. In public. On national television. The consequence of that would be better than enduring another debate full of endless prattle, mindless questions, and phony platitudes from CNN. Sure, they call themselves the Best Political Team on Television but you would never know it by the … Read More »