Depression and Deepak Chopra

I admit it. I’m depressed. It’s been that way since the last glimmer of hope faded during the primary elections. Maybe it started with Iowa. Whatever. It’s here now and it’s real. There’s no doubt that I have much to be thankful for these days. I have a steady job. Money in the bank. A … Read More »

God, I hate the Senate

I don’t tell this to many people, but I hate serving in the Senate. Worse, I hate serving New Yorkers. What a bunch of whiny, moan happy, self serving complainers. The Senate is worse. It’s the worst job I ever had, including those where I didn’t get paid. The Senate is full of rich old … Read More »

Bill Clinton wants a job

Today I found out that Bill has been sneaking around behind my back. No, it wasn’t with some big breasted young campaign intern with tight lips. That I can deal with. For that I have experience. Bill has been talking to Barack Obama’s top officials about getting a job in his administration. That man has … Read More »

My 5 biggest mistakes this year

Politics is like war. Politicians engage in a battle with other politicians, hoping the other one will make more mistakes. Looking back to January, I see five big mistakes. Singly, no one mistake caused me to fall behind Barack Obama in the primary delegate contest. Added together, all five put me in a less than … Read More »

Bill, the Senator

My aides are working out a deal with Barack Obama to put me on the ticket as Vice-President. It’s a last ditch scenario in the unlikely event that I am not nominated as the Democratic candidate for President. It’s a long shot, but being Vice President and winning is better than being a presidential candidate … Read More »

All in the Family

One of my favorite television shows from decades past was Archie Bunker’s ‘All in the Family.’ It was about a lovable,¬†irascible, prejudiced, white bigot in New York. The show was a classic. I was in Kentucky this week and mentioned to some of my supporters in a rally how politics has changed since the Archie … Read More »

Reports of my death are greatly exaggerated

I’m not dead. My campaign for President is not dead. Published reports are indicating the contrary and I’m doing everything I can to show my many fans supporters that I’m alive and well. George McGovern is a no-good, communist pinkie supporter and doesn’t deserve to have SuperDelegate status in the Democratic party. He’s from South … Read More »

Traitor Joe

Joe Andrew is a traitor. How dare he defect to the Obama campaign after all I’ve done for him. Who does he think he is? He’s finished in this business once I’m in the White House. What is the world coming to when you can’t trust political appointees to do what you tell them to … Read More »