The Thrill Is Gone

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I don’t know how Maggy Thatcher did it. She was a tough and energetic Prime Minister even though she was old. I’ve been on top and on the bottom. That’s how life is. Now I’m close to the top again. This is how I want to go out. Me on top. Back in the day … Read More »

My Talk With Newt Gingrich (speed dial is a bitch)

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My phone is always on and I’m usually calling or being called by someone. Bill, Barack, heads of state, celebrities, they all have my number and don’t mind using. Late Sunday night I was trying to call that Chinese blind guy, Chen Guangcheng and apparently hit the wrong photo on my phone’s speed dial. Newt … Read More »

Forgetting Jason Segel

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Jason Segel seems like a nice young man. It would just never work out between us. He’s hinted around for a few months that he’d like to star in a movie with me. Fat chance. If it were George Clooney, maybe. Well, not even maybe. But Jason Segel? He’s the guy who starred in the … Read More »

No More Drunk Texting For Me!

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This is my own fault, really. I figured that since the Secret Service was engaged in late night revelry that it would be alright for me. The only problem is that I can’t hold my liquor. A bottle, a couple of shots, or even a few sniffs of Purell and I’m done for the night. … Read More »

I’m Going To China, Baby!

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The Clintons are going to China. Again. What a shopping trip this will be. Sure, we have to meet top Chinese officials and tour some factories and schools, but the real reason to go to China is all the cheap stuff. And I don’t mean that in a Walmart kind of way. The trip almost … Read More »

The Wizard Nerd From Oz

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There is no rest for the weary. I’m on the road for a month, partying like there’s no tomorrow in country after country, and what happens when I get back home? Another party. This one is for Australia’s new foreign minister, Bob Carr. All these Aussies sound alike, but I never forget a face or … Read More »

Party Like It’s 1992

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I haven’t had this much fun since 1992 when Bill was elected president. We all knew the Secretary of State was a plum job, but nobody filled us in on the little details. Three words. Party. Party. Party. I’d love to say that being Secretary of State means a party every night in another country, … Read More »

Hillary Says, ‘Thank You, Hilary’

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All I can say to Hilary Rosen is a hearty, “Thank you, Hilary.” Singlehandedly, former Democratic campaign strategist Hilary Rosen set back the Obama re-election campaign two years. How? Rosen said Mitt Romney’s wife, Anne Romney, has never worked a day in her life. That may be true, but it was the wrong thing to … Read More »