Forgetting Jason Segel

Jason Segel seems like a nice young man. It would just never work out between us. He’s hinted around for a few months that he’d like to star in a movie with me. Fat chance.

If it were George Clooney, maybe. Well, not even maybe. But Jason Segel? He’s the guy who starred in the Muppets movie and Forgetting Sarah Marshall. And Bill tells me he’s on some TV sitcom. Bill watches TV. I don’t.

Starring in a movie sounds like a great idea. I just can’t imagine I would play anyone but Hillary Clinton. That’s one role for which I’m typecast.

Segel’s name kept popping up in my staff meetings so I decided to put an end to it and sent him an official cease and desist order.

I am a little occupied at the moment, but perhaps someday I can help you forget Sarah Marshall.

Great line, right? So I left the door open a bit. Young guys like that always want to know what’s better than a cougar. Aim high, dude! At least he has a fetish for blondes.

Jason Segel and Young Hillary

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