Hillary’s House of Cards

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Barack Obama must be channeling Ronald Reagan. I’ve thrown everything at him for months and nothing sticks to the man. Nothing.

I played the Tough Hillary Card right before Iowa’s caucuses when our internal polls showed Obama taking a slight lead among voters. We thought it was a fluke, but just to be sure, Mark Penn said to act tough and strong, so I did.

What happened in Iowa surprised everyone, including Bill, and not much that happens in politics surprises Bill. Then he suggested we play the Hillary Crying Card in New Hampshire. Honestly, I thought that worked and we came away with a big win and some momentum.

The problem with the Crying Card is that it can only be used once. It’s a one time shot.

In South Carolina’s primary, Bill played the Race Card and that blew up and only made things worse. Fortunately, people in California and New York don’t pay attention to what goes on in South Carolina, so I came away with a few wins, but not as many delegates as we expected.

The Experience Card is a delicate play. After all, most of my experience has come by being married to Bill. Sure, voters love Bill and they would re-elect him in a minute if it were legal, but he’s got me chained to the past, and Obama keeps playing the Change Card at every opportunity.

I find it difficult to tell people that I’m an agent for change when I’m married to Bill Clinton.

I’ve played the Debate Card without much success. Obama gives great speeches, but so do I. I’m even better in a debate and everyone agrees that I took it too him, and wiped the floor with him in the two most recent debates. Bill walked in tonight, and I said, “Honey, I won. I was great. It was a debate for the ages.” And all he said was, “So what?

Obama owns the Change Card and the Teflon Card, so what’s left? Mike Huckabee already has the Vulture Card. He’s just hanging around and hoping that John McCain falls asleep and doesn’t wake up.

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