I wonder how it is that holidays find their way to public prominence. President’s Day, Memorial Day, Independence Day, and Christmas and New Year’s Day, I can fully understand.
One look at the rest of the public holidays and you have to wonder what it is that is worthwhile. Take Mother’s Day. Or, Father’s Day. There’s no equality there. Nobody cares about Father’s Day. Or Children’s Day, whenever that is.
St. Patrick’s Day, St. Valentine’s Day, Discoverer’s Day? Puhleeze. The only reason Martin Luther King has his own day was to placate African-Americans. Isn’t it enough that they own the home run crowns in baseball, the scoring crowns in basketball, and the weight crowns in football?
As much as we enjoy having holidays to look forward to, most of them are perpetuated by commercialism, and nothing else. Thanksgiving? Does anyone seriously consider what it was that the white folks were about to do to the real native Americans? Would native Americans have enjoyed the meal as much had they known?
Does anyone sit around and contemplate past presidents on President’s Day? Of course, not. They’re shopping or have the day off or work retail, in which case they service those shopping and seldom get a holiday off.
I called Harold Ickes aside today and said, “Icky, who are the Top 5 Recipents of Valentine’s Day cards?” He said, “Uh, mothers? Girlfriends? Trick question, right? Do I still have a job?” Everyone is so paranoid these days.
So, I said, “Icky, the Top 5 Recipients of Valentine’s Day cards are, Teachers, Students, Wives, Girlfriends, Mothers. Which one am I?”
Harold looked at me with that look my campaign staffers gave me right after I asked them to work for free, and said, “It’s Mark Penn, right? You’re letting Mark go. I knew it!”
Sigh.
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