Tonight’s Democratic presidential debate between Barack Obama and me was the best ever on national television. It was truly a jib-jab lovefest for change.
Argumentation and debate instructors will use a tape of the debate in their classrooms for decades.
The question that received the loudest applause was one everyone in my campaign has been talking about for a month. Is ‘Clinton-Obama’ the perfect ticket?
Yes, it is. How can John ‘Elmer Fudd’ McCain win against such a pairing? We’ll get all the black, or colored, or African-American, or whatever vote. for sure. Most women will vote for us, too. Plus, we get the youth vote; anyone 30 and under.
We’ll sweep the country. I’ll take the West Coast, Bill can handle the East Coast, and Barack gets the South. From time to time we’ll all roll through the Midwest on one of those barnstorming trains. McCain can have whatever else is left, and it won’t be much. Think Bob Dole in 1996. It was his turn to lose then, and it’s McCain’s turn to lose now.
The only problem I have with this so-called ‘Perfect Ticket’ is simple– Obama’s on it. Granted, we see eye-to-eye on most issues, and he wasn’t around the Senate when we voted on the war, so that’s not a blemish on his record. It’s just that the man loves the spotlight. It’s as if media attention gives him a tan, or something.
Bill has already warned me that if we put Obama on the ticket we can’t lose. We’re back in the White House, baby!! But that’s short term thinking. Longer term there are some issues.
My greatest fear is that Obama will end up thinking he’s some kind of co-President. We’ve already heard from some of our moles in his campaign that he wants Oprah Winfrey to be Secretary of Housing and Urban Development. Sure, I’ll go for that. Not.
In Obama’s bizarro world I suppose Hulk Hogan would get the Secretary of Defense job. John Edwards would get the nod for the Labor job. Obama would appoint Tom Hanks for Education and Arnold for Transportation. Ted Kennedy would be appointed as Secretary of Alcohol and Driver’s Education.
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