Christmas just isn’t what it used to be. It should be a time of family gatherings, great meals, relaxation. Instead, I’m trudging through Iowa cornfields and trying to dodge the snow storms in New Hampshire. Why don’t these people have elections in spring like everyone else?
Gift giving is important at Christmas. Here’s a partial list of the gifts I gave out this year.
Bill - key to the chastity belt. It’s only good for 5 minutes. Based on experience, I’d say that’s plenty of time for Bill.
George W. Bush - taking a cue from the Wizard of Oz, Mr. President gets a clue. But only one. It comes with an expiration date which ensures it will never be used.
John Edwards - in the age of $400 haircuts, I gave John a Flowbee. It’s a gift from me so he’ll still think it sucks. He’s right, of course. It does.
John McCain - I couldn’t help myself. I sent John a pair of thick lens glasses and a Mr. Magoo coffee mug. It’s a perfect match.
Dennis Kucinich - Judging by the overall hotness of his beautiful young wife, I’d say the little guy has something bigger in his pocket, so I gave him a copy of The Joy of Sex.
Benazir Bhutto - I sent some kevlar body armor to Benazir Bhutto, Pakistan’s next Prime Minister. She’ll need it. Pakistan is a nasty place.
Barack Obama - he gets a one year paid subscription to “O“, Oprah’s magazine. I just made sure the name on his subscription was spelled wrong.
Rudy Giuliani - poor Rudy got a copy of the Bible’s 10 Commandments, with #7, #8, #9, #10 in bold, signed by the Pope.
Michael Bloomberg - what can you get the man who already has everything? Nothing. So I sent him a gift wrapped empty box.
One Response to “Bah humbug”
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January 4th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
Wow, you predicted Bhutto’s death the day before it happened.