It’s time for the home stretch in Iowa, what with their little caucus votes in early January.
“The Hillary I Know” ad campaign is off to a good start and playing well in Peoria. Now I find out that Peoria isn’t even in Iowa. Anyway, we found dozens of people willing to tell others what we told them to tell others about me.
My staff is calling this latest motorcade through Iowa The Warm and Fuzzy Tour. It is. I’m all warm and fuzzy just thinking about how much we can do for people in Iowa. They need government assistance up here. Just look at all that dead corn lying around in the fields. It’s a mess.
Yesterday we brought a real African-American to Iowa so the voters here could see the difference between a watered-down black man, Barack Obama, and an original black black man.
I’m grateful that Bill’s buddy, Magic Johnson, a really, really big African-American, decided to endorse me and help out the campaign instead of helping Obama with his beleaguered campaign. It’s not really beleaguered. I’m just practicing the power of positive thinking. It works.
Anyway, we did some photo shoots and public appearances with Bill’s friend, Magic. He played professional football or hockey or something, and we thought it would be a good chance for Iowans to see a really black black man so they could compare. He’s bigger than Oprah. If he stood next to you in a dark alley and told you to vote for Dick Cheney, you’d do it.
My communications director, Howard Wolfson, complained for months that we don’t do enough human interest advertising. So, we also got my mom to come over and do a few of those soft light, family television commercials with Chelsea. They talk about how nice I am, what a good daughter and mom I’ve always been, and that I’m not cold, and remote, and bitchy anymore.
We tried to get this Magic Johnson guy to do some television commercials for us, too. But we couldn’t get the lighting to work. He’s so dark that all you could see on the commercial was a big, dark shadow with eyes and teeth. Scary.
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