Good news for everyone except Hillary

Santa is coming early this year and he brought bags of good news for everyone. Except me.

I don’t know where to start. It’s not as though Santa has eliminated the national debt, cured disease, or stopped natural disasters. I must have done something wrong as a little girl, because the old geezer obviously has it in for me.

Everyone else slogging along the campaign trail in search of the presidential holy grail got good news this week. Except me.

Santa wrote a speech and gave it to Mitt Romney who read it on television, a milk and cookies speech full of Americana and religion and inspiration, topped off with the tearful icing of emotion, his first display of emotion like probably ever. What happens? Criticism? Derision? Nope. Every pundit and prognosticator on the political circuit loved it. They called it a turning point in his campaign.

What did Santa bring Barack Obama? Oprah Winfrey. How he got that sausage of a woman in his bag and down a chimney is beyond me, but he did it. Oprah is just what Obama needs in Iowa to inch over the top. There’s not much about that woman that can be measured in inches.

The only good news I could use isn’t really news I can use now. It’s certainly worthless in Iowa or New Hampshire, where it would count. This week we found out that Iran’s nuclear program was stopped way back in 2004. For the past three years President Cheney’s string puppet, George W., has been whipping Iran as some kind of a nucular rogue nation, just weeks away from building a bomb and creating their own holocaust. Now it turns out they actually stopped working on it years ago. So much for intelligence gathering in the information age, huh?

Damned Santa. What gives? I can’t use that. It’s worthless news. All it shows is how corrupt or stupid or both the Bush administration really is, right?

Everybody already knows that.