I really hate Iowa. The roads are long and straight and boring. The scenery is as gray and ashen and boring as the people.
In town after town, meeting after meeting, all these people do is ask me the same questions. Are they trying to trip me up by asking the same questions over and over again in every single meeting? Do they compare their answers?
What happens if I give them a different answer to the same question? I already have an answer to that question. They call John Edwards and squeal like pigs. I’ll be so happy when this caucus business ends in January.
Why doesn’t Iowa have a primary election like the real states? Because politicians in Iowa have straw for brains, that’s why. If Iowa held a primary election like every other state then political candidates would never visit here. Why bother? What’s to see?
The real reasons presidential candidates stalk corn in Iowa is to set the stage for a campaign, gain momentum, launch a comeback, break out of the pack. Do well in Iowa and New Hampshire and the momentum might get a candidate a higher poll ranking, and more donations for a campaign.
Historically, candidates who fare poorly in Iowa fare poorly elsewhere, and that means the death of a campaign. I’m here in Iowa, slogging through bitterly cold wind, eating soggy fried chicken, glad handing straw headed locals, and doing my best to remember to give the same answer to each question.
God, I hope they don’t compare notes.
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